Upon Further Reflection, Ignore My Reflection

Have you ever taken a good hard look at yourself?

I mean the stuff inside, not the stuff you hate seeing in the mirror. What about what is in that head of yours or the heart that beats deep within you, when was the last time you had a deep conversation with that part of you?

Scared?

If you have never met, maybe it’s time you did.

“Hello, me….it’s me,” I say. “Tell me a little about yourself, what are you thinking?”

Inner me replies, “Are you sure you want to hear this?”

And then I realize that I probably don’t, otherwise I would have had this conversation a long time ago. My inner self is a scary person, a deep dark individual who thinks too hard and worries too much. It’s my inner self who gives me the headaches on those stressful days. It’s my inner self who keeps me from enjoying things that should give me joy. And it’s that inner self who is probably sabotaging my road to success.

The world around me effects me too much. I am like a sponge; I absorb the thoughts, events, feelings, and emotions of things (and people) around me and I haven’t learned how to shield myself or shake off the effects. It’s exhausting.

But I’m not special.

I am an artist, a creative person, a free spirit…sort of. Dare I say I’m a hippie?

Ask any creative person and they may tell you they feel the same. It’s what makes us, our vision into things non-creative people are oblivious to. We have the ability to see things that others can’t – sometimes bad things, really bad things – and we imagine worlds – sometimes bad worlds, really bad worlds – based on the things we see, feel and hear. We are able to utilize every sense we were given (believe it or not, non-creatives rarely use all of their senses on a daily basis) and are sometimes unable to turn it off.

We are are cursed with an over abundance of empathy, a painful amount at times.

To non-creatives we seem overly dramatic about…everything… but we can’t help it. That’s how we roll, it’s what makes us tick, that’s how we are and can’t change it.

Non-creatives tell us we are lucky to be so creative. Maybe. Sometimes I just want to sleep. It’s exhausting.

So, upon further reflection…I am a creative person and the world is sometimes overwhelming to a creative person. Everything I see, hear, taste, feel and smell effects me. My senses are in overdrive ALL THE TIME.

Personally, I find it weird to NOT be able to create things all the time, look at anything and imagine it as something else, imagine its world and life – and yes, that does include what some would consider to be “inanimate” objects – and wonder what it thinks about.

Shouldn’t everyone look at the world as “wonder”ful?

Think about it…or, maybe not. Do or don’t.

What do you see when you take a look at yourself?